PUTDOWNS
Do you know what would make you look really good? DISTANCE!
You're a perfect example of what happens when the fetus doesn't get oxygen!
If your IQ ever reaches 10... sell!
You're what happens when cousins marry!
I have an idea! Why don't we push your face in some dough and make some idiot cookies!
What's the matter with you? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the slab this morning?
Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier!
Did your parents have any kids that lived?
Is that your head or did your neck just throw up?
You're not the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope that he doesn't die!
Wait! Let me have my brains removed so we start on the same level!
(to an obnoxious child) Now I know why some animals eat their young!
People say that you are two faced but I disagree. If you had two faces why would you wear that one?
I'd like to run into you in a dark alley some day... While your running and I'm driving!
She has early American features... like a buffalo!
A billion sperm cells in one orgasm and yours had to be the one to make it through to the egg!
His teeth are so yellow, when he smiles traffic slows down!
(to a fat person) It looks like someone poured you into your pants and you forgot to say when!
(to a dumb person) If you got a penny for your thoughts you would get change!
(to an ugly person) When your father was born they passed out cigars. When you were born they just passed out!
There's a bus leaving in 10 minutes! Be under it!
(to an ugly person) If Moses had seen your face there would be another commandment!
You look like Pat Boon's brother... Baboon!
You look like Tina Turner's sister... Stomach Turner!
You look like Bob Hopes brother... No hope!
(to stupid person) You should sue your brains for non-support!
You fell out of the ugly tree... and hit every branch!
You're so ugly when you walk into a room the mice jump up on chairs!
You have very striking features. How many times have you been struck?
Why are you hassling me? I don't come to where you work and knock the hamburger from your hand!
(to a fat person) You have more chins than a Chinese phone book!
The next time you throw out your old clothes... stay in them!
If you ever find yourself, you're going to be very disappointed!
If you were alive you would be a very sick man!
Is your family happy or do you go home at night?
Someday you will go far and hopefully you will stay there!
I'd hit you but I'm afraid I'd knock you conscious!
You look like a million bucks... after taxes!
He's smarter than he looks but then again he would have to be!
People like you don't grow on trees. They swing from them!
Nice shirt! How long do you have to wear it until you win the bet?
If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose!
You must think that everyone worships the ground you crawled out from!
Every time an ugly baby's born you get a royalty!
You're so ugly the tide wouldn't even take you out!
I bet you have friends you haven't used yet!
(to a loose person) I would recommend a psychiatrist to you, but lying down on couches is what started your problem!
AND THE ULTIMATE PUTDOWN...
You are an epileptic piece of elephant shit that was conceived in a Gin's cesspool by a monkey that had his dick wrapped around a piece of slimy pond weed grown in the dick cheese of 1000 hairy Ethiopians and a Middle East-Asian scabby bum diseased ostrich swarming with poorly conceived Iranian ticks that crawled out of Saddam Hussein's arse during his menstrual period and have a great likeness to a carcinogenic cell of a pig's dick after it had sex with a gangrenous worm from the bog of eternal stench, closely related to a mangulated maggot that crawled out of a stoat's anal cavity and reek of leprosy- infected ball hairs of a Siberian camel born when a canine monk squirted frothy frog-sprog on to an amoebic dysentery cell in bed suffering from colic after a meal of gins vaginal scabs caused by sodomising a piece of rotting vegetable matter infested with mutated hook worm and festering fruitfly carcasses that were the object of desire of an uncoordinated necrophilic elephant that was involved in a love affair with Ghengas Kahn and his pet anaconda that was a gift from Pope Gregory the Ninth after a recent sex tour of the Thailand zoo who had recently imported two hundred red Ares Babboons in great need of psychiatric help after being sexually assaulted by the hands of a two and a half ton mountain sloth that was HIV positive after an encounter with a piece of Indian peasant snot that dripped from the cuntlips of a dead Asian whore who died in a tragic incident with an overheated black and decker vibrator made by the hands of a near-sighted pubic hair comber from Mozambique trying to raise enough money to have his son ritually castrated as a sacrifice to the god of eternal stench which, by the way, is you!!