Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of
19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth
Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th October 1993.
She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully
parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was
slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as
well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without
asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990,
when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'.
She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is
he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering
level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through
2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504
km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel
of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into
her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the
rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey
with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st
August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch
of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could
not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After
one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head
in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99,
only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she
has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity,
when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of
shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually
going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale
is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February
12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in
cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way
skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into
a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle
over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming
39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking about Nothing
Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn,
Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st
May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and toilet visits. Throughout
the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new
knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by
Mrs. Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich,
who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their
fence in an unelightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs.Booth remembered
she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped
round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs.
Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the
butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs. Banbury immediately began
to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128
people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon,
2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic society, several
knitting circles,a coachload of American tourists which she flagged down and
the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night,
Mrs.Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people,
enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is
held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their
annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October
12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately
followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered
the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs
37 mins later.
Single Breath Sentence
An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute
barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs.Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley,
smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument
she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32
minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing
in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow
but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth
marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main
points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles,
nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely
audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous
jesticulations and indignant spasms.