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A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman by their wife or girlfriend.

• I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully)

• Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.

• I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous)

• Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obscure enough to distract her)

• I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case

• Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!

• I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!

• Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.

• I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little at the end here, maybe it will camouflage your drool).

• I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her, since she can never hold a candle to you! (This one might only get you punched, but its worth a try).

• Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own medicine!)