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• 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

• If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

• Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

• Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

• You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

• Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

• You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT!

• Save Your Breath... You'll need it to blow up your date!

• Forget world peace. Visualise using your turn signal.

• My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

• Grow your own dope, plant a man.

• All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

• The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

• Out of my mind... Back in five minutes.

• Hang up and drive.

• If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a Jeep).

• Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.

• GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.

• Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

• Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

• Boldly going nowhere.

• Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

• Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

• The proctologist called, they found your head.

• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

• Just because your head is pointed, doesn't mean you're sharp.

• Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?

• Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me".

• Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

• I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you.

• CAUTION - Driver legally blonde.