Benifits of your Sex
BENEFITS OF BEING FEMALE:
We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming, or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous.
When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.
We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.
We can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a "little woman syndrome".
We don't have to get our strength up between sessions... and it's much easier for us to get laid in the first place.
We can make it with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.
We never ejaculate prematurely.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.
We got off the Titanic first.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look like complete idiots in ours.
We have total control over our eyebrows.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
We can cry and get out of speeding fines.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts, pool or football.
We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers. Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
Taxis stop for us.
We get drunk quicker and cheaper.
We have no desire to arrange our possessions in alphabetical order.
We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other rugby thing). But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.
We never recognize ourselves in aspects of Mr. Bean. Ever.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when we're dancing.
BENEFITS OF BEING MALE:
Contrary to popular belief among females, being male does have advantages to being female. Life is a bit simpler, making more time to enjoy the finer points in life. From the earliest of years, we have learned from the mistakes of females, and found improved ways to make life a little happier.
We don't worry about how "big" we look in 33 different pairs of pants.
We don't have to own 53 different outfits, 35 of which we will only wear once.
We can get dressed for any occasion in 20 minutes.
It is not a devastating blow to our character when our clothes don't fit anymore.
When we go out in public, we don't have to say, "do you think he's more handsome than me", or "why can't I look like him."
We can eat an entire dinner without having to powder anything.
We don't have to look good dancing, but it is incredibly attractive if we do.
Buying shoes is easy, not an Olympic sport.
We only have to shave our face.
We don't have to hide gray hair.
We don't have to have flawless bubble handwriting and dot our i's with hearts in school.
We can go to the bathroom without having to wait in line or hovering.
We can go to the bathroom by ourselves.
We don't have to worry about getting plastic/cosmetic surgery.
We don't have to worry about our plastic/cosmetic surgery failing, or popping, or sagging, or forming abnormally as time goes by.
Wrinkles are not a curse to end all.
We don't have to layer expensive cosmetic material over acne.
Our emotions don't go into periodic and unexpected fits, during which the world is a happy-happy place and crashing to an end all at once.
We don't have to paint, adorn, or decorate every part of our body with polish, jewelry, lotion, glitter, or makeup.
We have the keen ability to look at our reflections in the mirror and be able to tell if we are fat or not without consulting anyone.
We have no desire to own so many possessions that they could never be arranged in any semblance of order.
We know that Tetris is basically playing with blocks... and we finished that long ago.
Women get drunk quicker and cheaper. They offer less expensive entertainment than us getting drunk ourselves, and it is much easier than waking up with a hangover ourselves.